Category Archives: Essays

MARK MY WORDS

A minute seems like a short period of time except in a pause during a debate where you’re only allowed a three minute rebuttal.

I know. I’ve been there and done that.

No, it wasn’t for the chance to prove my skills against a contender for my job. But it did involve a big deal at the time — representing my high school in regional and state forensic championships.

Only once was I pitted against a fellow who utilized falsified statistics as his argument.

And it stunned me.

I stared at the judges, anticipating my opponent’s disqualification. Instead, I was met with blank stares and uneasiness as the clock ticked down.

Finally I replied, “Someone once said you can argue with a person who’s wrong, but you can’t argue with a fool, or a fabulist. I yield the balance of my time to him.”

In all, I earned 25 medals in oratory, forensics, and journalism during my school years and was invited to speak at the Governor’s Ball in Detroit as the most enviable reward.

It changed my life, setting me on a path that found me watching last night’s debate, witnessing the performance of a fabulist stunning a meritorious man who didn’t recover in time to clarify his convictions.

Talking heads and polls may beg to differ — but I stand by my declaration of decades past, and my prediction of days henceforth.

Biden by a landslide.

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Marguerite Quantaine is an essayist and author.

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& http://www.margueritequantaine.com  

THE FIRST OF SIX

Cathy was obsessed with death. As the last born into our family of six children, the one topic she’d invariably ask me on hers, and each of our siblings birthdays was, ”Who do you think will go first?”

My answer remained immutable. “Go where?”

“You know,” she’d persist. “Die.”

I never thought and never guessed, letting her speculate year in and out, mostly by phone from a distance, but the last sixteen years in person.

The first time she asked and answered was while putting together a Scrap Book she received for her birthday in 1957.

“It’ll be David.” She was matter-of-fact about it.

“Why?”

“Because I’m 9 today and he’s 9 years older, so as the start he’s closer to finishing.”

“You think you’ll watch us all go?”

“I haven’t figured that out yet,” she admitted, busily writing 1954 or 1955 under every photograph being pasted in the album.

“The house photo was from when we left there in 1953, and you weren’t even four years old in those other ones,” I corrected. “They should say 1951 and 1952.”

“I know. My book is about the before we aren’t ever again.”

She was referencing how my father had sold our home on the newly wrong side of town in favor of a house none of us wanted but him. So, she was right from the get-go. We weren’t.

The most cherished gift Cathy ever gave me was her Scrap Book.

In the center of the first page she had cellophane-taped a caption from a 1950’s local newspaper photograph: 

“I like not only to be loved, but to be told that I am loved: the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave.” — George Eliot

Almost as if she always knew.

Cathy  left us in 2016.

The first of six.

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Marguerite Quantaine is an essayist and author.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD RUN FOR PUBLIC OFFICE

I've Come To See You Through It!

“There’s never been a colored, a Jew, a Democrat, a Yankee, a queer, or a woman as Mayor of this town and there never will be!”

I glanced up from my notes to study the odd little man in his Oshkosh overalls, Penny’s plaid shirt, knee-high Frye boots and Tom Mix hat.

His cohorts called him Red. I don’t know if he was christened that, or nicknamed for the color of his neck — but it certainly didn’t stem from embarrassment by him, or any of the men at that district Republican Committee meeting rewarding him with whistles and a rousing applause as I sat alone in the far back corner of the small auditorium, recording the  forum as a favor to the absent president of our local Republican Women’s Club.

And, all I could think was —  what luck!

I wasn’t a committee member, so I couldn’t object without risking the security of self. But I was born in the small town that hosted the first Republican convention, under the oaks on July 6, 1854. An obscure granite rock with a bruised bronze plague once sat on a tiny patch of treeless grass, three short blocks from where I spent my most mis-informative years.

Back then, the rites of passage included adopting both the religion and political party affiliation of your parents. My parents were protestant and Republican. I’m neither, but during my juvenescence, I feigned being both.

The reality is, religion and politics have never been roadblocks for me. I tend to accept that we’re all going to believe what we need to believe in order to survive our slippery slope slide from here into hereafter. However, the pretense of politics alarms me, and it is the reason I always encourage women to run for public office.

I have.

It’s easier than you think, and more satisfying than you dare to imagine.

After filling out the simple forms with the Americanized spelling of my last name and paying a nominal filing fee, I learned you aren’t required to raise money, put up signs, hand out cards, take out ads, stand on street corners in inclement weather inhaling exhaust while waving to commuters — or even to serve if elected. All of which I did not do.

Instead, I entered the citywide race for Mayor because I could. And, because I learned the Mayor was in charge of the police force that allegedly created computer software profiling every resident according to age, gender, race, religion, political affiliation, marital status and coded lifestyle.

I ran because the Mayor had the power to veto city council legislation.

I ran because the personal voting records of all residents, their addresses, and phone numbers can be made available to campaign camps via their candidate.

I ran because it’s possible for local elected officials to access sensitive census information about their neighbors. 

Ultimately, I ran to be be given equal time to speak at all candidate gatherings, lunches, forums, debates, and media interviews, followed by unlimited time to answer questions. Places where I could tell the people about the profiling, veto capability, records reality, and potential for both discrimination and profiteering to the detriment of the electorate should the information be misused by unscrupulous officials with a personal agenda to advance.

But chiefly, I ran because I was told by Party heads, “You cannot.”

“And yet,” I said, “I can.”

“You can’t run as a Republican.”

“Unless I’m registered as a Republican. Then I can.”

“It’s a nonpartisan race, so no one will know.”

“Unless it’s leaked.”

“You won’t have the backing of the Republican Party.”

Aye, and there’s the sub rosa.

Most of us like to think we’re supporting a candidate who shares our convictions and has our best interests in mind.

Go.

Run for office.

That’s when you learn it’s the Republican National Committee (RNC), the Democratic National Committee (DNC), and corporations funding them that dictates the conversation, feeds the media, and virtually runs this country in a Charlie-McCarthy-meets-Jerry-Mahoney-manner, where those connected contingents funnel all the money solicited from donors into the war chests of the candidates they’ve preselected to win.

I kid you not.

The nominees of both the RNC and DNC sign a Party platform pledge to toe the Party line, in order to receive the financial clout of the RNC, or DNC, because the chances of winning an election for those who don’t sign — even on a local level — are zip, zero, nada, nil.

And, get this: Those war chests can be used to funnel funds for phone banks to robocall citizens who have a voting history of going to the polls on odd, even, and off years. •  They can funnel funds for surveys with contrived questions for the ostensible purpose of suggesting nonexistent improprieties practiced by the opposing party. • They can funnel funds for spamming newspapers with testimonial templates to praise one candidate, or deride the other, or push an agenda, or create confusion, or imply majority support, with each letter signed and sent by a party faithful — so it appears to the public as an original thought and legitimate concern rather than a parroted message. • They can funnel funds for business owners to be visited by party members offering recommendations on which candidates to support, along with a friendly suggestion of how valuable it is to have a customer base of political party members. •  They can funnel funds for whisper campaigns, leaked to small presses, controlled by deep pocket party-pleasers, linked to online sites willing to post the disinformation.

And, get this: The strategies for beating your opponent are all recorded (or were when I ran) in an instruction manual detailing how to sway an election to a preferred candidate with news stories clouded by opinion. Where the media inserts the words ‘could, might, alleged, contend, claim, may, and if’ for ‘can, is, are, and will’ to report a ‘possible’ truth. Where newspaper corrections to falsehoods are buried in places no one reads. Where editorials aren’t required to be factual.

The old, paraphrased maxim still holds true: The most dangerous woman in the world is the one who can’t be bought.

That’s where running for political office serves as the American dream. Because running to lose by telling the unmitigated truth assures that your voice will be heard.

And isn’t that what we all want? To be heard?

When I ran for office, my words were so well heard, by the time election day rolled around they’d been stolen and used to further the campaigns of others running for even higher offices.

So, ladies, that’s how you make change happen. Not by sitting behind a safe screen, typing out rhetoric about what’s wrong with the country and who’s to blame. And, not by writing a check, convinced your donation will contribute to making this nation better and stronger.

Run for office.

Attend every avenue available for you to get up and speak. Recognize freedom of speech for the priceless gift it is. Say what’s in your heart. Ignore naysayers. Concentrate on connecting with real people. And experience the exhilaration that comes from putting your mouth where your mind is.

In the final analysis, the financial reports required to be filed by all candidates indicated the incumbent spent around one hundred and twenty-five dollars per ballot cast in favor of him to wage his campaign against me, while I didn’t spend a dime.

On election night I lost by less than 100 votes.

No, not once. 

Twice. 

Because the next time around I ran for school board, losing by lesser votes.

Whew!

 

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Seriously, Mom, you didn’t know? By Marguerite Quantaine • Copyright © 2018


					

BIRTH OF A NOTION

I’VE ONLY EVER MADE ONE New Year’s commitment. It was soon after I learned I was conceived during the wee hour following a New Year’s Eve celebration welcoming January 1, 1946.

“I don’t remember your birth,” my Mom dodged as she ironed blouses on my fiftieth birthday while detailing the deliverances of my siblings. “Your’s was like a used car after a New Year’s Eve dalliance.” 

“Excuse me? Dalliance? I was a dalliance?

My folks didn’t display evidence of a demonstratively affectionate union. The serrated edge, sepia wedding photo buried at the bottom of a bedroom dresser drawer attested to their having once been in love. But by the time I was old enough to empathize, there was no physical contact to observe. Suffice it to say, I never saw them kiss, hold hands, or even touch. It made any accounting of my arrival play more like a balancing act between burning the ironing board cover and battling spray starch build-up than accurately answering me. And, to be fair, at eighty-three her memories of maternity weren’t exactly chart toppers.

Nonetheless. 

“Cathy was born fifteen months after me,” I pestered, “yet you remember her delivery day and not mine?”

“David was my first, that’s why. Kit was my biggest, Michael was my earliest, Susie was my first girl, and Cathy was my last pregnancy — all two years apart! How could I forget?”

There were other distinctions made between us as well. As children, David and Cathy were gifted athletes. Kit marched in every school band through college playing coronet. Susie sang well enough to turn professional and Michael looked like a movie star. I was quieter by comparison, content with pets as my companions and seldom sought attention.

Perhaps I was like that from birth? It called for my surrender. “Well, at least I have the distinction of you remembering my creation.”

“Oh, no, I recall them all,” she perked up. “David was planned as our first anniversary gift to each other, and Kit was conceived on Halloween as a treat. I ended up in labor for 33 hours with that boy, walking the halls of Foote Hospital, trying to push him out. To this day he’s never without a piece of candy in his mouth. As for Michael — Michael was a Valentine’s Day creation that we were expecting near Thanksgiving. But you know how your brother Michael is about being early. Delivered him on the elevator. He just couldn’t sit still and wait. Now your sister Susie was conceived on my birthday, so we knew she’d arrive as our seventh anniversary gift. Of course, we were expecting a boy. That was the plan, to only have four boys. And finally Cathy, dear sweet Cathy. She was an income tax day deadline we met in the nick of time. But you all have that one thing in common.”

“Which is?”

“Your father was never present at any of his children’s birth. I delivered all of you solo.”

Sensing she spent a lifetime twinged by the loneliness of that indignity struck a cord in me more tender than her not recalling my day of birth. 

Since then I have made and kept the singularly same resolution:  I resolve that my Mom, and all the memories she shared with me will never be forgotten. 

Happy New Year!

~

Marguerite Quantaine is an essayist and novelist

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the goodness of others

i am typing with one left thumb.photo

there will be no capitalization of letters, no editing of words, no obsessive-compulsive angst over punctuation, no matter.

instead, as sergeant friday said every friday from 1951 through 1959 on nbc, just the facts, mam.

just the facts.

it was a flash flood florida night with rivers of rain running down the padded slip-proof ramp to our back yard as i struggled to carry our 16 year old, 23 pound dearly departed Pekingese-Bulldog mix, echo, to safe haven until his intended next day burial.

first the fasteners holding the padding burst loose. then we slipped, slid, tumbled, and crashed to the ground.

my right hand looks like a five digit foam finger.

my right wrist will undergo a second surgery to insert a steel plate and seven screws.

my right shoulder has been realigned.

i am the color purple.

but both EMTs said they were sorry for the loss of our dog.

every nurse on duty stopped by my unit to offer their condolences.

the emergency room resident, radiologist, anesthesiologist, attending physician and surgeon each expressed sincere sympathies.

the woman in the curtained room adjoining mine called out her concern.

there is nothing quite as comforting as the compassion shown by others.

it, like every earth angel, is a gift to the heart.

be well. do good.

see you all of a sudden!

 

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marguerite quantaine is an essayist, novelist, author and animal rescue activist.

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I’m A 9th Generation American Homosexual

Front Cover 4 FBMothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, nieces, lovers, friends. With a public declaration on page one, this candid chronicle reveals how the thoughts and emotional conquests of women who love women differ instinctively from those of their parents and the male dominant heterosexual ideologies of a patriarch society.

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Through lyrically warmed words engendering levity and benevolence these forty-nine relatable narratives shed insight on the simple dignity of an endangered female culture vanishing-by-assimilation into an age of artificial equality.

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Spanning the course of 70 years, each story embraces a different kind of love and loss that bears witness to women who triumphed in spite of the tokenism shown by both straight society, and the preponderance of recorded gay history that virtually ignores the female perspective of people and events.

There’s never been a colored, a Jew, a Democrat, a Yankee, a queer, or a woman as Mayor of this town and there never will be! Page 167 • Entire worlds exist of just two people in love. Page 78Life is a silver lining for those of us willing to scrape the surface of adversity. Page 198 • So let’s stop telling kids that bullies are a schoolroom problem graduation solves, or law enforcement can control, or Congress can legislate against. Page 35 • Sometimes life is a sleepwalk in which we see everything clearly and deny it. Page 147 • I never danced on a grave, but I did steal something from the dead, once. Page 143 • Our existence evolves through exchanges, most of it involving how we choose to spend our time in pursuit of people, places, or things on which we place the greatest value. Page 15 • Eighty days after Bobby Kennedy kissed me, he was killed. Page 111 • I wonder if any other daughter remembers the first time she made her mother cry. Page 183 • There was this dog we loved and lost on Christmas morning, 1951. It changed everything. Page 95 • Back then, those of us in love with another woman conducted our lives without a need for labels or social acceptance. Page 13 • I want every woman to fall in love with the person who has fallen in love with her. Page 63 • There sat a black cat yowling through quivering whiskers. Page 47 • Because I didn’t know that Ann had been told I was queer, and I didn’t know Ann told all our mutual friends her mother said I was queer, and I didn’t know her mother told the parents of mutual friends I was queer, and I didn’t know certain teachers were warned of the same. Page 68 • But I don’t think he understands that most of us don’t want to be enslaved by the duplicities of straight society. Page 176 • et cetera

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Seriously, Mom, you didn’t know?

by Marguerite Quantaine

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TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN

The Golden KeyIn order to love truly and long, one must always put words — especially those spoken in spite — within the context of the moment, and decide whether past words spoken in love are more precious and true than those spewed in anger.
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Ultimately, ones capacity of heart is judged, not by what another forgives, but by what you forgive — and not by what you choose to remember, but by what you choose to forget.
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Truth is seldom what an outsider looking in concludes. More often, truth becomes what we need others to believe in order for us to survive during dire times we helped create. Truth can be deceptive and troubling and biased. It always has an agenda.
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Never choose the weakness of today’s truth over the power of tomorrow’s forgiveness. That’s like betting your heart, in a fixed race, on a blind horse named Regret.

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Marguerite Quantaine is an essayist, author, and animal rescue activist. She is the author of the highly praised IMOGENE’S ELOISE: Inspired by a true story © 2014.

Her second book, Seriously, Mom, you didn’t know?, is a collection of true stories demonstrating how women who lead heartfelt lives find purpose and feel joy.


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You are urged to LOOK INSIDE for a try-before-you-buy FREE READ of the first 3 chapters on Amazon.
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THIS BEARS REPEATING

Bears RepeatingSixteen friends called it quits in March. Adultery was cited as the cause in 5 of the 8 couple splits. I’m saddened when I learn of such heartbreak. Here’s why:
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I once knew a woman who was a serial cheater, oozing charm whenever she wanted to seduce someone. Mostly, she targeted women with troubled lives. To gain their trust, she claimed to be the victim of a failed relationship. She fed them with words she knew only damaged women longed to hear. She raised them up while having her way with them. She promised them a future. She convinced them that they needed her. Eventually and inevitably, she ditched them. And, just to ensure none would chase after her, the last words she spoke to each woman she cut loose were: “No wonder nobody loves you.”
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Infidelity is such an old and popular game of deception, you’d think women would have learned to avoid cheaters by now.
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But no. Women persist in thinking they’ll be the one to tame the fox welcomed into their henhouse.
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The fact is this: Every woman on earth has been victimized to some extent during her lifetime. Every . . . single . . . one of us.
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Where love is involved, some choose to be perpetual victims, always eager for the ‘ideal’ person to choose them, accepting of similar characteristics in new partners to replace the former, growing old and stale like hard candy until all traces of sweetness have dissolved into bitterness.
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A toxic indicator of having been victimized is chronic rage, a corollary of post-traumatic stress syndrome. When physical, verbal, or emotional abuse is experienced for extended periods (especially during childhood) it never leaves you. Certain words or actions push buttons in your brain creating a fight-or-flight frenzy, unleashing the dormant fury.
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The thing is, we all tend to blame others for rages directed at us — while excusing our own rages directed at others — in order to justify the decisions we make.
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This is where the intent of the heart comes in.
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In the aftermath of tears and loneliness that are sure to follow once rage erupts, you must learn to measure the intent of your heart against the intent of the heart of the person who hurt you. You must. Only then will walking away be easier than staying; leaving be easier than being left.
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The death of love is intended to be the hardest learned lesson in the test of time.
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Because the reward of love is priceless.
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So, try to remember the journey you took with the other person — not from the end of it looking back, but from the memory of the start. Chart how it soared. Determine if you made every effort to catch it when it began to teeter, every effort to shore it up when it started to crumble, every effort to revive it before you let it die.
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Own that you aren’t innocent. Own your part in the turmoil. Own the buttons you pushed. Own the choices you made that enabled the demise of your life together. Own the carrot of false hope you dangled long after hope in you was gone. Own the lies you told to yourself and others.
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If you’re hurting, join a support group to find comfort and get help. You can’t recover alone. But don’t allow the group to become your only source for self-esteem. Have an exit plan from it.
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Then, every morning, face yourself in the mirror and ask: Have I cast myself as a victim? Do I look like one? Have I presented myself to others as such? Do I enjoy being seen as a victim? Is victimhood my aspiration?
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If not, don’t adopt that image. Don’t encourage or allow others to attach that tag to you. Don’t become a poster girl for victimhood.
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Because, in the short term, you might find the comfort you need and the support you deserve — but in the long term, there are only two types of people you’ll attract:
(1) Those who embrace their suffering, dwell on their past, and treat being victimized as their red badge of courage.
(2) Those who will target you as prey to be used and abused again.
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Victims say, “I am who I am because of …”
Survivors say, “I am who I am in spite of …”
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Be a survivor.
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Marguerite Quantaine is an essayist, author, and animal rescue activist. She is the author of Imogene’s Eloise: Inspired by a true story © 2014 and Seriously, Mom, you didn’t know?, due for release on Amazon in April, 2019.